Undecided.

Firstly Hello again little blog, it has been a while.

This is not really going to be a home ed post because I need this post for another reason, I need to work out a few things, to get them out of my head and on to paper and to have a place to come back to in a few years time and reflect. So if you want to stop reading now, thank you for coming, I hope to have you back again soon x.

If you are still with me, here goes………….

I love lists, I love charts and schedules, I love having everything planned, I love knowing where we are heading, I love knowing our next move.

I hate not knowing what to choose, I hate having questions with out answers, I hate not having a plan.

The number of questions that are running round in my head is almost too much for me to contain, the constant back and forth with a decision, the not knowing what the right decision is, the not being able to achieve what I so desperately want is making me feel like I am falling apart. I feel like I am wondering alone, lost, not knowing how to get home.

So let me break it down one question at a time

This blog 

Do I make this blog private?

I love that people enjoying reading this little blog, I enjoying writing it, however some days there are things I would like to write about that I don’t,  because, I am never sure who is reading.
Going private would mean I can rant till the cows come home and I know it would stay on these pages.
But this blog was mainly set up so that our family can see what we get up too and it works, the family whom live abroad enjoying seeing what we do and I hope they feel a little closer to us.
I also wanted this blog to be a bit like a diary, a day by day view, even if nothing exciting happened, but I have found myself choosing not to blog because I didn’t have anything different from the day before to say, I am mindful of the few people who read this blog, which then means I am blogging for them not for myself. Again going private would mean I can blog about every day boring stuff without worrying if I am boring people to death.

So private or public?

Home education

Do I take a leap of faith?

There is a word that floats around the home ed circle, a word that scares me, a word that I can see my children heading too and if I am honest they have been for a long, long time but I have always fought against it, a word that would test me and would take a huge leap of faith, not because I don’t think they would succeed, but because it is the complete opposite of who I am.

That word is Autonomous learning or child lead learning. Scary word isn’t it.

It would mean my lovely lists would have to go, my need to have every thing planned and know exactly what we are doing and when would not cut it. That scares me, I feel safe when every thing is controlled, I need to be in control and with Autonomous learning I would be essentially handing the control over to them, I would be a facilitator rather than an educator.
I have read numerous books/website about this subject and I get it, I see how wonderful it is and I can see it works, I can see how it would benefit my children, even nursery/play-groups/preschools are adopting a variation of this method of learning and it seems a wonderful way of life but I am not sure I can do it.
At times I think it is possible other times I freak out and dismiss it altogether, I have seen it coming for a while and it amazes me that despite every thing, all my plans, charts, lists, I am still having to consider this way of learning.
When I feel brave and leave the children to it, what they learn amazes me, for example the other night we went out for a meal with my brother and his fiancée and my mum and step dad, the pub we were in was holding a quiz, we could hear the questions, Fairy started answering some of them, when the answers were read out we checked her answers and she got everyone right. I had not taught her any of the information she needed, it was all things she had read/researched all by herself all because she was interested in it at the time.

So do I take the leap of faith or do I continue with the struggle to get them to comply to my way of learning?

Travelling

Do we go, do we stay or something in between?

Okay, so forget everything you have just read about me, because this is not going to make much sense if you still have me as a control freak in your mind.

All my life I have felt like a free spirit, when I was little I used to dream about being a gypsy, having a wagon, a horse and a few belongings and travelling from place to place, just following the open road.
I hate the thought of being stuck in one place to long, I become bored quickly, which is why I think I chose to work with children, no two days with children are the same. Most of my life I have fought this feeling but it has always been there, getting stronger and stronger.
I would love really, really love to travel, just up and leave, go from place to place, work for a bit then move on.
In 2010 we did just that we travelled America for six weeks all six of us the Twinaloos were 1 1/2, we did a few thousand miles and went through roughly 18 states, it was amazing, it was unbelievable and for the first time in my life I felt at home. To be honest I fell in LOVE with America and when we returned home I was depressed for quite a while after and longed to go back.
I hoped that six weeks travelling would be enough, I would get it out of my system, I would then be able to settle down here and concentrate on buying a house ect ect.
This did not happen!
Then I came across these people  http://www.lundy5.com/ and I have never been so envious of another persons way of life.
Think of all the amazing places there are to see, all the amazing sights that were created for us to witness and I am stuck here in Suffolk.
The problem, well money, but there is ways around that, working at each place we stop, it would mean staying in one place longer but we could do it. Also how could I leave my mum, it would break her heart, my munchkins (and my Brother) are her life, how could I take them away from her. Especially when she is ill, I want to be here with her.

So do we go, do we stay, or do we go for a year?

Moving

Some where warm, big house small garden, small house big garden or caravan and land?

I need the sun shine, I have known this for a while, I am no good in winter, I love the warmth, the brightness, the freedom and beauty of the sun. I am a better person when it is sunny. I desperately want to move, some where it is warm all year round I have always fancied Australia and strangely enough quite a lot of my family, on my Mum’s side have moved there. Husband would love to move abroad as well. So it is something we discuss regularly. But again how could I leave my mum.

The sun we have had recently has meant we have been outside a lot more, this has made me realise how much we need more outdoor space, I am desperate to grow my own food, the children are desperate to have a big back garden, they will rate every house we see, on the size of the back garden, it does not matter what the house has to offer, whether it be more space inside or a bedroom for each of them, if the garden is small then  it is a no, no. I was so lucky growing up I got to experience freedom of land, we had horses, and family members had land, lots of it, so I spent most of my childhood running free or paddling in the stream at the end of the field, I want this for my children. We have talked about buying some land and living on it in a caravan, oh the problems that this creates is unreal but we would still consider it and it is doable as this lovely family are doing just that.

I would really like more space inside, home education takes up a lot of space and another room down stairs would be a dream come true, a room to store all the bits and pieces, a room where everything was accessible all the time. It would be bliss.

So do we move abroad, move in to a caravan, find a smaller house with a bigger garden or find a bigger house which will almost certainly have a small back garden.

So many questions not enough answers.

XXX

Finally some thing to blog about.

It has been a while since I last blogged, mainly because I have had nothing much to say, lots going through my mind but nothing I felt like saying, also because, well each day here is pretty much the same as the one before it and there is only so many ways to make it sound interesting enough to type let alone read.

However yesterday we ditched the normal routine, the sun was shining  and daddy was home so we packed our bags and headed for the coast. We ended up in Walberswick  for a spot of crabbing. It was fantastic, just what we needed.

After a spot of crabbing we headed to the beach, needless to say we had it all to ourselves, a positive of home education is access to all the museums, parks, beaches etc while every one else is at school/work :-).

The most amazing sea mist swept off the sea and completely engulfed us while we were there, it was so amazing and magical, although it did make it a touch chilly.

The children ran, jumped, drew, threw stones, paddled, and just enjoyed being free, watching them, laughing and exploring, I truly felt blessed, blessed that my children get to experience a childhood that most will miss out on.

I get so caught up in what they should be doing, how much they should be learning, the old saying “if they were in school”, that some times I forget to let them just be, to experience the world, the world they are going to eventually have to go it alone in.

So it is true my older two may not know how to do some things that schooled children do, but I know for sure what my children do know will stay with them and benefit for the rest of their days.

XXX

Where does the time go.

Well hello little blog, sorry I have neglected you for so long.

Seriously where does the time go, I never seem to have a minute to get my thoughts down on here. Like now it is 22:08 and I really should be tidying up and then going to bed but if I do that then I will not get time to blog, so I have decided that for tonight, the house work will remain unfinished and bedtime will have to wait.

What have we been up to in the last week, well we have been to see friends, looked after dogs, visited vets, seen Grandma, counted skittles, investigated new maths website and various other educational things but the most exciting of all has been a surprise 60th birthday party, planned by me and visitor a from over seas.

On Saturday we spent the day at Jimmy’s farm as they were hosting a science festival. It was fantastic, during the week I couldn’t decide whether or not to go but I am so glad we did. Its a shame Pa Pa bear was as work and couldn’t join us, but we still had fun.

There were so many different activities and talks/lectures. We didn’t actually get to sit and listen to any of the lectures as it was so busy but while other people were listening we got to experiment.

We visited the C.S.I stand where we all learnt about forensic science, Strong-man and Twinaloo 1 had their finger prints taken and Strong-man also got to use the magic finger print dust to look for finger prints.

We had a proper hands on look at different hearts, a cows heart, a pigs heart, sheep hearts and rats heart to be exact, then the lovely scientist wired Strong-man up and we were able to see his heart trace projected onto a screen.

Strong-man be wired up!

We experimented with flour that had been heat damaged.

Held and looked at many different types of bugs.

I was so brave 🙂

Ewwwww

Learnt some fascinating facts about water and its boiling point and about how things behave when placed in a vacuum. Giant marshmallows all round!

I got shot by a blast of air. Ohh that air blaster (my terminology) was such fun and the blast could travel quite a distance.

There were stalls with Nanoparticles, stalls with rockets, stalls with birds of prey and stalls creating electricity all providing hands on activities.

We then stopped for a bit of lunch before going for a wonder in the woods, we spent so long in there, my four love the freedom to run, climb, balance, build and explore, in the end I had to drag them away.  We then had a look at all the baby animals and ended the day with a visit to the play area, poor little Twinaloo 1 got knocked over by a child not looking where she was going and landed right in a muddy puddle.

Surly this has to be the world’s biggest Hula Hoop

 

All four children had a fantastic time and we returned home VERY muddy and tired.

Which brings us to today.

Today we were dog sitting so headed off to the woods, we normally just amble along but today I prepared the children a check list and they had to find an object relating to the word on their list, they had to either bring the things home with them or take a picture.  We will create some sort of display with them later in the week. We ended up spending all morning roaming the woods, Strong-man and Pa Pa bear found a little box full of treasures stuffed between two tree branches and after some research I have found out it is an activity called geocaching. We are definitely going to take part in this, it is right up our street.

 

We then returned home and the older two completed their maths and English for the day, the little two played and thankfully the dog slept……

and just like that another day is done.

xxx

Highs and lows of home education.

Well what a mixture last week was.

The power cut I mentioned in the last post, returned on Tuesday morning and to cut a long and boring story short we were left with no electricity for the day, so no heating, no hot water, no fridge and freezer, no internet and no phone, absolutely nothing worked, the land lord was also being a …… silly man about getting some one to fix it.

Wednesday was a vast improvement though, we spent the day at the beach, Felixstowe to be exact, it was so lovely, the sun was shining and it felt nice to be soaking up the warmth. While we were at Felixstowe a bomb was discovered (not by us), it had been washed up due to all the building work that is going on. Ohhh this was so exciting, the beach was cordoned off, there were police every where. A little boys dream. Especially a little boy who loves absolutely anything to do with world war 1 and 2. The bomb squad then turned up and we watched as they set about making the bomb safe, we got to chat to the police and watch the army men do their stuff. Very educational indeed.

Thursday was spent at our friends house this friend in case you wondered, the children always have a fantastic time, playing made up games, building dens and generally just being children free to explore and enjoy. I arrived home Thursday evening with four very tired children, who all wanted to go straight to bed.

Friday was okay, we looked after my brothers dog in the morning and I had a list of things that needed doing, none of which actually got done. For a while now our internet connection has been a bit unpredictable, one minute every thing is fine the next not so good. Well Friday night it decided to die a slow and painful death and by Saturday we had no internet connection. First losing complete power and then having no internet connection has made me realise how much we depend on our luxury. I didn’t think it would affect us that much, after all we have no T.V and only recently Husband decided to buy a PS3 up to that point we didn’t have a game console either. So I thought we were pretty low-key technology wise. But it did bother us and the fact that it bothered us is now bothering me. I would love to do what these fellow home edders did, they gave up all mod cons, rented out their house and travelled the U.K  working at farms, eco villages you name it, in return for experience and food and shelter. What an adventure.

So Saturday was spent searching for a router and stopping at various charity shops, oh I found so many bargains, I will have to share a pic of what we found.

Sunday I spent all day doing the house work, enough said I think.

Which leads on to today, ummm today has been horrid, I woke at 4:30 this morning to find the cat had used our bed as a toilet, (the window had been shut down stairs and he couldn’t get out) just lovely, I then over slept which annoyed me, I have picked up another cold bug thing and it is really horrid, after the chicken pox last week I really didn’t want any one else ill and to top it off Strong-man has behaved terribly. So bad in fact I told him he would be going to school, gosh I feel so bad for saying that and I hate that I said it but he really has been bad, he made me cry his sisters cry and himself cry.

If I am perfectly honest I don’t understand him one bit, he is so Jekyll & Hyde, he is the sweetest most loving boy you could meet, he has a heart of gold and is very affectionate, nothing is too much trouble for him, if he is by himself with you he will talk for hours, he takes care of his sisters and is a happy little boy, this is the side friends and extended family see. But then he has a side I find really hard to understand, he can be so angry, mean, aggressive, cross and really horrid, he shout and throws things. I hate seeing him like this, he is my little man and he is so special to us but when he is like this, it hurts to say it but I really don’t like him.

I have no idea what to do with him any more, I have tried ignoring the unwanted behaviour, only praising the behaviour we expect, I have tried charts, punishments, rewards you name it I have done it. I trained in child development and everything I believed/learnt he has tested me on. Nothing I learnt has worked and I have no idea why he is like it. None of the others are but then they are girls, maybe it is a boy thing, but surly it’s not a good thing.

I feel so sad and angry at myself for saying what I did and feeling they way I do, so please don’t judge me, I did debate whether or not to add this to the post, I could have left it out but it is part of what is going on in my life and I want his blog to be about our real life, not our life through rose-tinted glasses.

Please if you have any ideas or words of encouragement I would love to hear them.

Lets hope tomorrow is a happier day.

xxx